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Community Marriage Policy (Revised February 1997) |
| I. Concern: "Marriage is Holy" One concern as ministers of the Greater Modesto Ministerial Association is to foster lasting marital unions under God, and to establish successful spiritual families. Most marriages are performed by pastors, and we are troubled by the extremely high divorce rate nationwide. Our commitment is to help radically reduce the divorce rate among those married in our churches. It is the responsibility of pastors to set minimal requirements to raise the quality of commitment in those we marry. We believe that couples who seriously participate in premarital testing and counseling will have a better understanding of what the marriage commitment involves. As servants of God, acting on His behalf, we feel it is our responsibility to encourage couples to set aside time for marriage preparation, in addition to concentrating on wedding plans. We acknowledge that a wedding is but a day; a marriage is for a lifetime. |
II. Scripture: "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6); Malachi 2: 13-16; Ephesians 5 God has established and sanctified marriage for the welfare and happiness of human family. For this reason our Savior has declared that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. By His apostles, He has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to share in each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow; to provide for each other and for their household; to pray with and encourage each other, to live together as heirs of the grace of life; and to raise children, if there are any, in the knowledge and love of the Lord. We believe, therefore, that divorce was never an option in God's plan for marriage, and is in fact contrary to his plan. Divorce became an unfortunate consequence of the failure of men and women to fully embrace and enjoy marriage as instituted by God. |
III. Implementation: These are the minimum expectations. A. Waiting Period: A minimum of four months from the initial marital appointment until the wedding date. B. Premarital Counseling: Minimum of two sessions that would include a relational instrument, inventory or test to help the couple evaluate the maturity of their relationship objectively; recommend that the couple complete a premarital course, which should cover the following critical issues in marriage: God's plan for marriage, communication and conflict resolutions skills, financial management and household budgeting, intimacy in marriage. We further encourage churches to develop or utilize resources for singles that address issues relating to dating, selecting a spouse, and friendship, which would help prepare them for the premarital process. In circumstances involving blended families (step families), special premarital preparation is recommended in the form of workshops, seminars or counseling to address the unique challenges of blending families following deaths of spouses or divorce. C. Postmarital: We commit ourselves to help troubled marriages, and enrich new marriages. 1. Troubled Marriages. For troubled marriages, we recommend providing referrals to existing Biblically based ministries, seminars, or professional counselors depending upon the need, and develop ministries or seminars dedicated to reconciling the marital relationship. Such resources might include a local Reconcilers ministry, Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille, Marriage Ministries International, Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment, and/or Dove Christian Fellowship. It is recommended that current ministry/seminar resources and schedules be kept at church offices for ready referrals. 2. Professional Counselors. We recommend that professional counselors be interviewed by the local church to ensure doctrinal integrity, personal membership in a church, church involvement (such as small groups, home/cell church, specific ministries), and philosophy on long vs. short term counseling. 3. Newly marrieds. We recommend attendance at a marriage enrichment seminar (such as Marriage Encounter) within the first two years of marriage, and mentoring by equipped, spiritually mature couples. D. Scriptural References: Teach Biblical doctrines on morality, marriage, and divorce. Encourage couples to memorize key verses on marriage. Scriptural references may include: Genesis 1 and 2; Deuteronomy 24; Proverbs, Malachi 2, Matthew 5, Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 16, 1 Corinthians 6 and 7, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Hebrews 5 and 13, and 1 Peter 3. |
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IV. Optional Helps: We encourage churches to develop or partner with other churches or organizations that have the resources to offer the following marriage ministries: A. Engagement Seminar: Encourage couples to participate in a concentrated period of joint introspection, and provide resource lists of recommended engagement seminars. B. Mentor Couples: Seek to provide as needed a mature married couple to meet with premarital or newly married couples to provide Biblically-based mentoring and accountability. For newly married couples, we recommend that "mentor couples" meet with them at least four times during their first year of marriage. Churches are encouraged to provide or network with other churches to obtain training and refresher training for mentor couples. |
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V. Pastor's Covenant: In order to substantially reduce the divorce rate in our area, and to promote God's plan for marriage, I covenant to: A. Build successful spiritual families; B. Follow scripture and to implement these minimum preparations for the couples that I marry; C. Join with other spiritual leaders to encourage couples to seriously participate in premarital preparation; D. Teach and counsel singles and young people that sexual intimacy is a God-given blessing for a married man and woman only, and that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is a sin according to the Bible; E. Teach and counsel that reconciliation with God and spouse should be the first priority of either party in a troubled marriage relationship. "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation" (2 Corinthians 5:18). __________________________ ________________________ Your Signature |
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Mission Greater Modesto Attn: Michael Douglass PO Box 4309 Modesto, CA 95352-4309 |